Why Ask Why?
Aug 25Tue,2009 / Category: Answering The Challenge /
Raising a two year old is a full-time job. My respect for parents, especially stay-at-home and single parents has increased tremendously as my daughter has grown older. I have come to realize that the greatest aspect our job as parents during this stage of my daughters development is to teach her manners and morals. The daily lessons seem to center upon things like saying “Yes sir”, and “Yes Ma am” when speaking to adults, sharing with children, showing patience when told to wait, not yelling or raising your voice, and the all important - be nice to others and do what you are told the first time. Recently, things have gotten more interesting and at times more difficult as my daughter has learned to express herself. As she approaches three it seems as if she is entering into the infamous “Why” stage. I have a nephew who is eleven and is smack dab in the heart of the “Why” stage. This is a normal part of childhood development (at least that’s what the experts say rather I like it or not! lol).
The questions “why” seems to come as frequently as the commands for good manners and proper moral behavior. Questions such as “Why do I have to share daddy?” or “Why can’t I have it now mommy?” or “Why is it wrong to point at strangers?”, “Why do I have to be nice to others?” or “Why must I do what I am told?” These are all very plausible and thought provoking questions if you really consider them. The normal tendency as a parent is to simply say “because I told you so”. But when you assess the question our children are asking in a deeper way you realize that there is a deeper quest in their hearts. I believe that our children, as well as, you and I, are searching for the underlying, unifying principle of objective morality. What I mean by this is that we all are looking for the ultimate justification which undergirds all moral teaching.
Why ask the question why? We ask the question because we assume that there is a foundational, concrete non-subjective reason for all morality. It is as if we are internally wired with this assumption and the human search is to discover the unshakeable absolute that unites all moral teaching. But yet many in our society have tried to argue that there is no such thing as moral absolutes. They argue that each man or woman should simply do what is right in their own eyes. This concept of relativism has crept into every aspect of our culture, from morals and ethics to art and learning. Everything is merely subjective and all is is equally valid. Asking “why” ultimately becomes an invalid question, but yet we all still ask, and are hearts are not satisfied with the answer that relativism provides.
But the problem with moral relativism, as I see it, is that there are no grounds to say what is right or wrong if their is no absolute standard. How can I tell my daughter that being mean to others in wrong, if there is no absolute standard. What if she decides that “being nice is ok for you daddy, but i prefer being mean.” What if our children’s response to our ethical teachings is to say, “Mom, Dad, who are you to impose your views of right and wrong onto me? After all everything is relative, even morals, and I will simply do what is right in my own heart.” This is exactly what this generation is saying to us. The problem with relativism is that it creates a moral system of chaos. If there are no absolutes than anything goes. I can steal from you and should not be punished because, who are you to say that what I did was wrong. Someone could harm you and never be convicted because, after all you cannot judge me. Things like racism, rape, and robbery are all individual choices that have nothing to do with the concept of right and wrong.
The fact is, there cannot be a response to the question of “Why” unless there is a God. There are many approaches to ethics which have been proposed over the years, individualistic relativism, utilitarianism, social-contract theory, but the only approach which provides us with a unifying, concrete foundation for right and wrong is seen in the existence of God. This approach to ethics, has been called by some, divine command ethics. It basically teaches that the reason why something is right or wrong is based upon the fact that their is a higher moral agent, than any of us in humanity, who has established a code of ethics which we all must adhere to.
My response to my daughter questions of “Why should I be nice to others daddy?” or “Why should I share my toys?” or “Why should I be obedient when mommy tells me not to do something? is easy, it is because God has command us to live morally and He has told us what is right and what is wrong in the Bible! Recently a good friend of mine shared with me that his concern for America is that we have stolen the ethics of God, while at the same time tried to remove the existence of God from our society. The fact is that everything seems to be holding together and working well on the surface and this is because Judeo-Christian morals work. But if you look underneath the surface our nations moral fabric is falling apart at the seams and is doomed for destruction because their is no answer to the one question all of our children are wired to ask. Our nation is destined for moral chaos, because we don’t have a proper answer to the question “Why”. If we don’t have a proper answer for the question “why” our children will simply do what feels good in their own hearts. God help us!
Well I have to go now because my daughter is waking up and I have to get back to the job of raising a morally ground child in the midst of a generation who is trying to stand on the wind. I pray that I’ll be ready today when she asks me “daddy why?”
Pastor Chris
One Comment :Leave A Comment |
Tyrone
September 25th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
I too pray that I will be able to raise biblically and morally grounded children. We must point our children to God being the One who establishes the right and wrong in life. By doing that we force our children to take up all of their issues with God rather than trying to look for cracks in the parent or other authoritarian figures. Children will need to be confronted with the Living God so that they understand and find the answer to all of their “why” questions.